Remembering Addy

Our Daughter's First Angel day. I can't believe its already her and gone. Its surreal to say the least.

It was very important to me that DH and I spend the 21st together honoring Addy and her memory. I slept very fitfully that night. I cried before I went to sleep that night because I had started spotting and I knew AF was on her way. Not a good way to start this weekend. Before I went to sleep that night, I kept wondering if I would be awake at 3:01 when I delivered; well my dyslexic brain must have gotten itself all confused because I woke up at 3:10 am. Oh well. We got up the next morning and went to buy some flowers and balloons to release at the cemetery in addition to all the other things I had been accumulating for her.

I wrote Addy a letter telling her how much I miss her and think of her everyday. We tied it to 3 pink balloons for all our little angels. It was really windy and I was afraid that the balloons might just stuck in the big tree, but they went up no problem - I'm sure Addy got her message.

I brought birthday candles and some other decorations for her headstone. She had already gotten some birthday visitors so there was lots of special items there. M and I spent a long time there just lost in our own thoughts. We don't usually talk very much when we are in the cemetery, and that's ok. We both have a lot to think about. After the cemetery, we had planned to go to the park where Addy had a memorial tree, but unfortunately there was major flooding in the area and the roads to the park were affected. So we weren't able to make it to the park. I plan on taking the flower and balloon there this week.

I made my first ever home made cupcakes on Friday afternoon for Addy too. They turned out pretty well. I even iced M and I's cupcakes with her name. I love seeing it written.
It was interesting to see who remembered the day. We received a few cards and email, but very few - that is the most upsetting thing. You don't want your child to be forgotten.

All in all it was an physically and emotionally draining day. It felt good for M and I to acknowledge her and the impact she has on our lives everyday. We carry her in our Hearts, Always.