I don't know why its bothering me more today then normal, but I'm just really feeling down. The world is passing me by and there's nothing I can do to get back in the game. I feel like it’s a marathon, but I haven't even gotten registered and everyone else is at mile 25. I'm a really bad runner so I know it would take me a long time to catch up. I don't know what I can do to get back in the game this time. I also came to the realization that I am coming up on the 6 month mark past my last loss. Has it really been that long? Where has that time I lost gone? I just wish I could grab a day back, just one more shot. This is also our last chance at a 2008 baby - its weighing heavy on my heart.
I think I might be feeling this because I'm meeting some friends for drinks tonight, One of the girls is PG - OK I think I can handle that. She has always been very caring and never pushy about anything. The other girl is super nosey and wants to know every time she talks to me if I'm PG or if I'm trying. IRL, I don't tell anybody any of my TTTC business. Honestly, its none of their concern. She lives out of town and feels out of the loop if she doesn't know what's going on in STL. Really my TTC isn't something I ever shared with my friends - its just not something I'm totally comfortable talking about. I never was - not even with my first pregnancy with Addy. Honestly I don't know how anyone who knows the struggles we've been through can be, but I guess they assume that I'm the PG Loss friend and it won't happen to them.
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