My Bad Wed.

Yesterday was M's birthday - I feel really bad for him. I wasn't able to make it a very good day.
I had to go to Chicago for the day for work. So my day started off at 5 am - way too early for me. Unfortunately, I have been fighting a fever for the last few days and its still in full force. So I spent the majority of the flight in a sweat as my fever was breaking for the first time that day - it would soon return - no worries. After spending some time at the tradeshow, I traipsed myself back to the airport and felt my sickness coming on in full force. I tried to make myself eat something, but nothing tastes even remotely good. My flight was delayed, of course, but I got by 6 - which was pretty good.
Because its his b-day, I make him choose what he wants for dinner. I would make reservations, but he had to say which restaurant. Sadly, he didn't even want to go out. So I ended up making him Chicken Wing Dip (its really good, but a very pathetic birthday dinner). I didn't even get him his favorite cookie cake - I'm a very bad wife. I was able to take 3 bites of dinner before I passed out for my half hour nap. I made the final walk to our bedroom at 8pm. Yes, I know it was really sad.
Unfortunately, his birthday is at such a bad time for us - how can you be happy and celebrating a birthday when you know that 2 days later your daughter was stillborn - it just weighs over your head. I really wish that we could just pick another month to celebrate his birthday, but I know its not possible. IT just sucks. I just hope we have a baby this time next year……
Tomorrow is going to be a very sad day for me. I don't think I'm ready for it.