Today is the 21st - Angel Play Group - Play date

The following is the post I make on the 21 of every month on www.thenest.com Pregnancy Loss Board.

http://boards.thenest.com/boards/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=40837737#40837737

Hi mommies,I started this post on the 21st of every month to remember my little girl on the day she was born. Since I started Addy’s Angel Playgroup, we have suffered two more losses – so I’ve decided to rename the group Addy, Peanut, and Grace Cashew’s Angel Playgroup as a way to remember all my babies in heaven. I always knew that I would know all my babies’ friends names. This group is a way for me to find out and remember all the babies she is friends with in heaven. I know they are all up there playing together waiting for us. It makes me sad to have to add more babies each month, but I know they’re together and that’s comforting to me. So no matter if they have a name or a nickname I want to know it.It’s been ten long months since we lost our little girl and these are the friends that play with her everyday: Spencer Allen, Hope, baby girl, Munchkin, baby, Elizabeth Dymphna, Sarah, Hope, Autumn, Ciara Grace, Peanut, Bella, Englebert Dweezil, Hokieangel, Sweetpea, Elizabeth Sue, Sydney Grace, Marie Elizabeth, Sweetpea, Bean, Holden, Bambino, Ole, Schlomo, Riley Tey, Aidan Christian, Fredrick, Monkey, Jacob, Erin Elizabeth, Pepper, Rice, Peanut, Little Star, Shea Michael, Art and Julianna St. John, Wombsly, Ariel, Riley Jacob, Nathaniel Martin, the WonderTwins, Jude, Angela Felicity, Logan, Kyle/Isabella, Baby Tut, Baby Lem, Squishy, baby girl angel, Diddle Bug, Leilani, Riley Elizabeth, daddy's little man, Dora, David and Jonathan, Zippy, little, Tater, Gizmo, Kaitlyn Lily, Gus, jellybean, baby Collins, Hugh, Raya’s Boy, Olivia, little beanie, Stryker Kaleb, Alexbean, Bo, mayor, Abigail, Lucy Maribelle, our Miracle, Baby D, turkey, July angel, sweetpea, Faith, Lelliot, Angel Babe, 4 angel babies, Micahel and Brendan, Our Angel, baby peanut, Baby W, Juju bee, Baby Burns #1, little rice, Benjamin Elijah, Stephen Joseph, and Little Bean.Please feel free to add your little one’s to this list as another way to remember them. I have been compiling this list since April and keep every babies name on it every month. So please feel free to share.
I’m pretty sure I got everyone, but please let me know if I missed anyone from last month.
((HUGS))
Amanda

Here are the new angels this month:

Noah and Joshua Nicholas
Baby Mac
Lucy
Lucy Ruth
Batman
Sam and Jamie
Chloe

What's pretty scary about this post is I can probably identify most of the screen names with their baby's names - especially the ones who experienced later loss. I feel so connected to so many of these women - we've our lost a piece of our future.

This post is so bittersweet for me. I feel really good remembering my babies this way and remembering everyone else's children too. Its so awful to see the list grow every month, but at least I feel like I am acknowledging them.

One of the things that hurts me the most is that no one says my daughter's name and that hurts so bad. This post keeps her name alive to me. I don't want people to forget her name - she's a person and deserves to be recognized just like other babies. I wish more people would say her name. There was another girl who echoed those same sentiments to me today - and I'm so happy other mother's enjoy seeing their babies' names as much as I do.
There is one girl there, ourlittlebean, that responds every month, that she is so glad I do this post. She is PG again, and comes back to the PG loss board every month to remember her WonderTwins. Its makes me feel good that somebody else feels the post is as important as I do.

So I'm a bad blogger, but I have a good reason. I've been in my first 2ww since the start of the new year and TTC again - so I didn't really want to write anything.

Today was 12DPO and I got a BFN:(. I didn't get a +HPT before until 14 DPO - I won't test again until Wed. am, but I'll be out of town on business - so that sucks. I won't be able to get in and get beta's right away. I am packing my lovenox just in case - the earlier the treatment starts the better I feel. I really don't feel pregnant at all - I make up symptoms to make myself feel better. I think M will be a little crushed if I'm not PG this month - he thinks its so easy - we BD, we get PG. If its negative this month, I have my final procedure schedules at the RE - SHG. We meet with him in Feb. to discuss our plan of attack. I hope he has a good plan of attack for us. I'm ready to have a positive pregnancy experience.